2021 now (keep in mind weve known each other since we were 6, now 22) Stopped talking in 2019 cause I screwed a lot up being a bad friend (during the aftermath she was too. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. Wants your help with something. In some cases, exes break up and get back together more than once due to unhealthy relationship patterns or beliefs. That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. So yes, exes come back years after the breakup. So they come back, tail between their legs, ready to renegotiate their bond with you. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. ETA: He's the one who dumped me. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. I get why you feel the need to give this person closure, but please know: that's not your responsibility. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. Lets not lose sleep over only the unpleasant prospects. Its not one-sided either, they both feel the same way. One conversation leads to two, two leads to three, and before you know it, youre arranging to Netflix and chill.. Nevertheless, when an ex contacts you years later, this is what it means. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. When an ex contacts you years later, just seeing their name pop up on your phones screen is going to set off fireworks in your brain. Before going down a path you have already been on, voice what you want from this renewed relationship be it any kind. Lets explore the possible reasons behind an ex trying to make their way back into your life: Exes come back after months. It was important and felt good. You should be able to talk to whoever you want, but keeping your partner informed in this regard is wise. Been talking to my ex for about a month and for 1st time in 10+ years I feel happy. She reached out a few years ago but she didn't really make any effort to apologize and kind of half-asses the friendship now. Invite them to join you for a drink to catch up, or suggest the two of you grab a coffee sometimes. The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. If you catch yourself spiraling a little, it's OK.. Programs. So, be a good human being and talk about it to your partner. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. Its important to mention that this is a dangerous place to be in because it satisfies a void, and you forget why you broke up in the first place. Dont go looking for closure when an ex contacts you years later, moved on and found happiness all over again, 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It, 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, 51 Non-Cliched Second Date Ideas That Will Lead To A Third, 18 Things To Say To Reassure Your Boyfriend About Your Relationship, 13 Encouraging Early Signs Of A Good Relationship, Dating An Overthinker: 15 Tips To Make It Successful, Telepathy In Love 14 Undeniable Signs You Have Telepathic Connection With Your Partner, 25 Ways To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl, The 7 Phases Of Dating You Go Through Before Youre Officially A Couple, 17 Effective Ways To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work, 21 Zoom Date Ideas You And Your SO Will Love, 150 Truth Or Drink Questions: Swirl Some Fun, Sizzle, Kinks, And Romance, How To Make A Girl Think About You 18 Tricks That Always Work, 55+ Flirty First Date Questions | Jaw-Dropping List of 2023, Are You Scared To Be In A Relationship? When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. I didnt reply. Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. I was tired of her treating me badly subtly, so I unfriended, deleted, and we stopped talking a few months. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. Want to know more? Like a lot of reasons on this list, this might be totally unconscious. My wife got sick after 2 years and I have been her carer since. I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. It really depends on a number of circumstances such as the cause of your breakup, whether your ex has moved on completely or not, if your ex hates you or has no bad feelings towards you. Anger is part of the journey to acceptance and moving on, so if they're still holding anger, resentment, or bitterness, they haven't totally healed. If the relationship was abusive, its not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex. While you tactfully avoid tapping on the notification, it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. He has to now find a job in stead. It may seem a bit strange to ask your ex that, but dont worry about that. After 6 months of balance to initiation of conversation, she stopped getting in touch. In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. Years after that, I was going to be back in our old area again. When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. Substance use doesn't negate the fact that you put me in the hospital multiple times and caused me significant trauma, PTSD. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. If it was a nasty breakup and you still have some resentment toward this person, you will have to fight the urge to not curse them out loud. Additionally, if youre getting back with your ex because youre lonely, that may not be a good idea either. If thats the case, theres no harm in having a casual conversation. After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. I suggest you contact your ex or have someone contact him for you. I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. If they have written, Hey! Long time. I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. In all honesty, there is no "after no contact" as no contact is . It was interesting seeing him again. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. For the past year, I've been letting go of people from my past & focusing on what I want in an ideal partne. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. Definitely not. Go away. On a bitter note, they couldnt handle the happy, successful life you are leading. I guess, theoretically, the other person could help you find closure but they don't need to do that, and asking them to do that is a big and (possibly) inappropriate task to put upon an ex. Most people spend their lives seeking perfection in a partner only to realize that there is no such thing as perfection. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. Related Reading: 9 Reasons Ignoring Your Ex Is Powerful, Derek, this guy who lives in my building, often shares his life stories with me as we cross paths in the hall. You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. Honestly, I have never found that sentiment to be true. I saw my ex post on a facebook page I was a group in. The bottom line is that if youre thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. When you receive a response to Why did you reach out, discern if your ex means what he or she says by paying attention to your exs attitude. I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. Thanks for replying, I figured it probably was. There is really no reasonlet sleeping dogs lie.