Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. What do you say? Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin, 29. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. George Carlin, Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, I think people should be allowed to do what they want. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? Manage Settings I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Theres a humorous side to every situation. George Carlin. George Carlin Government Quotes "Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes." George Carlin "Religion is just mind control. //. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? And fight songs. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.George Carlin, Theres no present. It can help you a lot.George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. George Carlin Quotes Government : "Most of the government wants to control information and language so that it can control you. Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience." - George Carlin 2. George Carlin. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); George Carlin 13. Electricity is really just organized lightning. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. page: {requestId: "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", meaningful: "interactive"} I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. The people are fucked." George Carlin tags: funny , humanity , humor 8709 likes Like The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. }); Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. One of comedian George Carlin's more notable quotes, pointing out a reality of American life is, "It's a big club, and you ain't in it." His words are a simple commentary on the ruling. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Forget the politicians. We are in a country, and in a world that is run by people who brainwash , . !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); //]]> > Quotable Quote. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.George Carlin, I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Government is an important institution. Pointing out the things which are influencing our society badly with humor is not an easy task to do. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("grsession", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. Feel free to reach out and connect. "ObfuscatedMarketplaceId": "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1" Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. "Boy everyone in this country is running around yammering about their fucking rights. What if I want to have a crappy day?George Carlin, Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did.George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.George Carlin, So, have a little fun. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. My motto: Fuck Hope! George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. Inspirational George Carlin Quotes 1. Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. 4. Thats the problem.George Carlin, Let a smile be your umbrella, and youll end up with a face full of rain. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. 3. "I have a right, you have no right, we have a right." Folks I hate to spoil your fun, but. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. But he loves you. }, My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Its all very confusing.George Carlin, People are wonderful. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. var ue_sn = "www.goodreads.com"; Now you can finally see what made George Carlin the dad tick. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. "Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation." George Carlin Read more quotes from George Carlin Share this quote: Like Quote Recommend to friends Friends Who Liked This Quote function isShowingBuyableFeatures() { George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Cause pretty soon they have little hats. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. You have owners. A Death! A.async = !0; It creates a hostile work environment. The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.George Carlin. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. And, let me tell you, theres nothin like it. They own everything. Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. I have certain rules I live by. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); 1. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. Theres a humorous side to every situation. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else., Political correctness cripples discourse, creates ugly language and is generally stupid., Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out., When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person., If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders., If you have selfish and ignorant citizens then you too will become a selfish and bad leader.. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); var cookie = cookies[i]; Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. I look at war a little. I think every day all children should have 3 hours of daydreaming. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. Hes just sayin that stuff. Good. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. The only country that could invade America is America! Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. A.src = t; I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they ought to be. And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. And a list of people theyre going to visit at 3am. Nothing changed.George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?George Carlin, I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin, 51. He was regarded as an influential and significant comic of all time. "Application": "GoodreadsMonolith", Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. Im sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. George Carlin, 27. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. url = "https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/mobile/phone_images-9e9093f0cfddba8c2b1e815375d976a3.css"; There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Theres no present. How are YOU going to tackle today? function(a9, a, p, s, t, A, g) { George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. } I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. googletag.pubads().collapseEmptyDivs(true); Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain, All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another, "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! My first rule, I dont believe anything the government tells me And I dont take very seriously the media or the press in this country. George Carlin, 82. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("surface", "mw"); window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { if (window.ue && window.ue.tag) { window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out', ue.main_scope);window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out:mobileWeb', ue.main_scope); } Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. This is the best we can do folks. I hate groups of people. Period. return false; Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. [CDATA[ Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. Authors. //